Midnight thought

Time: the stroke of 12 midnight, but I still could not sleep at all, just like every other day I had gone to visit a historical building around Brattleboro. No sound could be heard but the beat of my heart, and the sound of Indonesian song in my computer. Once, I got out from my bedroom just to take a breath of a cold and quiet night in the cute small town of Brattleboro.

My country, my mom, my friends, and all my colleagues flashed through my awakened mind making me recall the past. 3 months have passed : day after day, week after week, and month after month. Will I be able to keep my study on track, while I have nobody to assist me? Of course, everybody is ready and willing to help me but the problem is that I am not someone who make close friends very easily and ask anyone for help.

I scratched my pen on a white paper drawing my feeling, releasing my pain, and hoping that it could heal my lonely heart. Again the shadow of my sweet memory remains waving me to come along. I washed my hands and face to wipe away the dirt from, hoping that It could drive away my lonely state of mind.

I wandered around the bedroom, kitchen, and porch seeking something to be a scapegoat, but I found nothing to blame. The more I concentrated on every angle of the room, the more my memory awakened missing the good times back home. I got back to my bedroom and lay down on my back on the mattress to sleep, yet I could not sleep at all.

The song of sweet memory sung by Dewi Yull was on, and my computer was on all days. Many emails had been received from people on my mailing list. The more emails came, the lazier I got about reading them , as the messages were not interesting at all in my opinion.

I did not realize what I needed anyway!. Probably, I need someone to be my close friend. I got it, but was it really what I wanted?!.

Reeditted on November 16, 2006